Seasons of Life

The count down until the oldest moves is shrinking rapidly among the busyness of both our lives. 

She’s navigating college courses and future career paths. Does she change her major? Get a masters? Add a minor? Then there is the move to a new state and all of the logistics that brings. The excitement of starting new and exploring a new place.

 If she’s afraid at all she doesn’t show it. I love how she lights up when she shares all of her interests with me. I see the woman she’s become and yet in all the mannerisms and facial expression my little girl is still there. 

Then there is me. Navigating single parenting, working, being single and rediscovering the pieces of me that got lost for a while. She listens as I talk about my new make up routine. Or the places I like to shop now. My new infatuation with shoes. 

As we laugh and talk I wonder if she sees my fear. It’s there, under the surface. All moms have it to a degree. As a single mom it’s grown even more. Will I fail her? Will she need me and I not be able to help? Worrying that in all the of the juggling I do that I dropped the ball when it comes to connecting with her. 

So when the rare chance for her to be here with me happens I soak it in. The laughter and conversation push back the fear. The joy overshadows the worry. I see her strength and it reminds me that I am strong too. 

I Am

I am calm and storm.

I am know the lyrics but not the title or the artist.

I am dance in the kitchen, in my car, in my chair at work…umm everywhere?!

I am cooking from scratch equals comfort and love.

I am dogwood trees and hand made wooden swings.

I am laughter and tears.

I am empathy and kindness.

I am faithful and dedicated.

I am cry at sappy movies and shows.

I am sarcasm and snark.

I am cuss words and inappropriate humor.

I am seamstress, knitter and planner girl.

I am road trips and adventure.

I am hike and take in all of the goodness that it brings.

I am local eateries and hidden gems.

I am friendship and laughter.

I am yes m’am, yes sir.

I am Navy kid forever.

I am my daddy’s girl always.

I am cry when I’m frustrated or angry.

I am overthinking at its finest.

I am communication and team work please.

I am coffee in the morning.

I am sweet wines and good beer.

I am books are my great escape.

I am unsure how to navigate this new life.

I am determined.

I am sawdust smell and sweaty hugs.

I am lemon desserts any day.

I am working out keeps me sane.

I am antique stores and goodwill finds.

I am mornings are the best.

I am sunrise or sunset.

I am work hard no matter what.

I am integrity is important.

I am clean sheet day celebration.

I am try new things, learn new things.

I am mom,daughter, granddaughter, niece, friend.

I am face down in the arena.

I am get back up and try again.

I am.


Trail Run

I did my first trail run of the year. It was muddy and cold but it felt awesome to be out there. 

I had what I suppose was a type of Charlie horse in my right calf but it worked itself out during my slow down. A lot of spots called for careful footing so I had a chance for the kink to subside.

I finished strong and was proud of my time. 2.69 miles in 39min. Slow but good considering I haven’t run in a year. Plus the mud was a big factor in slowing things down.  

My goal is 75 trail run miles. This is in addition to the 100 hiking miles I want to complete before the year is out. I think both are attainable.  

I’m grateful to have such a great trail close to our house. Ft. Ben is a great place to run. 

My mom and grandmother gave me a portable fire pit for Christmas. I had forgotten I had it on my amazon wish list so when I opened it, it was a nice surprise. 

I knew the first thing in the pit would be our super crispy Christmas tree. He was beautiful in the beginning but by Christmas Day he was done. 

So I’m the early morning hours Thursday I took it down and drug it to the back yard. Leaving a trail pine needles in my wake. Then yesterday I cut it to pieces with my hack saw. I had a hand saw but it was pretty much worthless. My friend Pam saved the day when she brought over an ax so I could cut the trunk into smaller pieces. Lots of stress relief in chopping wood! 

Supper happened between fire prep and the actual fire. It’s been a minute since I made a meal that didn’t feel rushed. My assistant for the night was Ashlyn. She was all about peeling the carrots in record time. 

We tried a new soup recipe…Creamy Chicken Tortellini. Drop biscuits were a must and at the last minute I threw together an apple crisp. The meal was a hit! 

The fire took a bit to really get some good coals but we persevered and at the end of the night I would say we enjoyed a nice, albeit smokey, fire. Looking forward to more time around the fire pit with the girls and with friends!

Long time no see

So much has happened since I last posted. This blog is now about a family of 6 instead of 7. My now ex-husband filed for divorce earlier this year. 

I have been helping my kids navigate the changes which have been huge and some that have been far too rapid for them. 

I now have two in a wonderful Montessori public school, one in a private home school, and one that is finishing up her senior year at home. 

I have a fantastic job that I love. I work with a great group of people and am thankful everyday for this job being available right when I needed it. 

Through out all of the ups and downs I have had a fantastic support team both near and far. I am forever grateful for each and everyone of them. 

So, let’s see. Being single has given me the freedom to unearth myself from years of what I thought it meant to be the ideal mom and wife. I am physically in the best shape of my life. I get to come and go as I please when I am kid free. Decorate how I want, watch what I want, cook what I like,when I want….you get the idea. 

I’m definitely ready to see 2016 go.  But for all the stress and sadness there was a lot of joy. It’s about to get pic heavy so my apologies. 

This is just a glimpse of some of the amazing people in my life and a bit of the fun I have had with them and my girls. 10 mile solo hike, sunrise workouts on the beach in Destin, birthday celebrations, day trips, fun times at home. There have been plenty of tears but through it all there has been a lot of joy. 

Thankful Day 20…yep still behind.

This is very challenging for me to keep up with. It’s also getting rather hard to list ten things everyday.Oy!

So, for yesterday……..

1. Completing two hand made Christmas gifts

2. Getting a book from paperback swap. Love getting books for next to nothing!

3. A clean playroom.

4. The little girls’ room is clean.

5. Peppermint Mocha creamer.

6. Scoring an in perfect condition corkboard I needed at Goodwill. It will be decorated and given as a Christmas gift.

7. The delete button on Facebook.

8. My sister in law Kim. She is super sweet, very giving, and loves, loves my girls. I’m glad she is part of our lives.

9. My brother in law Jerrid, who married Kim. I’m not sure he would have made the list if he hadn’t. 😉 He is way laid back, funny, and he says I’m his favorite sister in law so he rocks.

10. Another day.

Thankful day 19

I did try to post on time last night but our internet was misbehaving so it was a no go. This is yesterday’s list.

1. Mom’s night out. A quiet meal and time to sit a knit

2. The work truck being fixed. Now I have my van back.

3. A new series on Netflix. Currently watching Zen.

4. Nancy Drew books. They sparked my love of mysteries.

5. Pumpkin scented candles

6. First snowmen of the year. Even though the building process sparked a big meltdown for one kid.

7. Time to help the aforementioned kid settle down and to talk her though her big emotions.

8. Being able to bring home Wendy’s to a teen in order to make a bad night better. It isn’t always that simple.

9. Having time to be with my kids.

10. Another day.