I’m feeling a little lost right now. I know that part of it is my dad not being here but there is more. I live out of state from my brother and sister. They are able to see each other as often as their schedules allow. I don’t have that. Yes, I chose to live out of state and I love where I live but, that doesn’t change the lost feeling. Their physical presence is what connects me to dad. With them not with me I feel somewhat disconnected.
I always knew that losing my dad would be hard on me. I am just feeling completely blindsided by all of the emotions I am feeling. Guilt for being happy, anger that he is gone, angry that things weren’t in order to help deal with things after, dispair one minute and understanding the next. I’m not sure I know how to grieve or if what I am going through is normal, right, wrong, crazy or what. I’m not sure how to be o.k. again because a piece of me is gone.