I had great intentions of starting some new traditions and completing some fun projects this year and it just hasn’t happened. Partly because of finances but mostly because I have not been doing as well as I thought I was.
The depression snuck in without me realizing it.
Memories of my dad come without warning and the tears flow too.
Trying to be strong for my girls.
Tired of not being able to just grieve without questions from little people.
Emi talked about him a lot yesterday because we were at the ER with Ace.
She wants to go to his house to see him.
She can’t and there is no understanding that at 3.
We were going in with my brother to get him a grill.
Now I can’t watch a stupid home depot commercial without getting upset.
I find myself in a club of thoses who lost a loved one to cancer and I never asked for membership.
I HATE this, do you hear me, I HATE THIS!
IT’S WRONG, IT’S NOT FAIR, IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY!!!
Why isn’t he here so I can call him on Christmas day, why isn’t he here so he can enjoy the babies?
He didn’t deserve to die the way that he did.
He just didn’t.