And to be quite honest it really sucked yesterday. I have wonderful children, I know this. However that does not mean that things are always great. If you are a parent and reading this then I am preaching to the choir.
The first part of the day was just fine. The bigs were invited to swim at a friends house so they were gone until 5pm. The littles and I had some good mommy and little time. We played with a big floor puzzle, I folded some diapers while I watched and noticed that Emi has really started to use her imagination which is really cool.
Then in the span of 15min, after the arrival of the almost 13yo the bottom fell out. I won’t detail things, just suffice it to say that she was on an emotional roller coaster ride that was devoid of caring about how her actions effected others and unfortunately against the advice of Old Hat I joined her on the roller coaster ride thinking…wait scratch that because if I was thinking I would have NEVER gotten on the emotional roller coaster ride with her. I would have just gotten some cotton candy and walked away.
You know that emoticon with the red smilie head banging its head against a brick wall? I honestly think I need a wall like that that will just inflate Inspector Gadget style anytime I need it. I would have used it yesterday.
I chose to stay mad a long time last night which didn’t help. Yes I know, I am the adult but sometimes I don’t wanna be!! Of course staying mad was not helpful and then I spiraled into missing my dad, feeling helpless to parent and being bummed that even though I have done everything so differently from how I was raised I still feel like I am treading water. I wonder what my dad was thinking while he was watching my emotional(but quiet) melt down?
So today has to be better because I am choosing for it to be better. I did go to the library with her last night and she apologized and I accepted but I still pouted. I see you shaking your head…I’m just being honest here. I have to learn not to get on the roller coaster with her but I really have no clue how to do that. It requires being able to disconnect from the moment and not let my big emotions get caught up in hers. I have to learn to not take her personally but I have no clue how to do that. I have to fight with every fiber of my being to walk away and say nothing when I just want to scream because her words and actions have hurt me so.
Ok back to today has to be better….It will be, it’s a choice and even though this is hard I will survive. We will make it through to the other side and we will both be alive.
LIVE LAUGH LOVE
(saying it over and over and over)