Toilet seat, possum, 3yo OH MY!

What do all three of those things have in common? Why me, of course. I bet you were thinking the 3yo found a possum and it was sitting on our toilet seat. Close but no cigar.

The toilet seat in the main bathroom of the house has been broken for oh about a week or more now. I have reconciled myself to the fact that while my husband is handy he is a man.  90% of the time when a man walks into the bathroom he doesn’t lift the seat much less sit down on it. So a broken seat only comes to his mind 10% of his bathroom use, where as it comes to mind 100% of the time as a woman and is definitely more apparent when she is pregnant and spends what feels like 90% of her day in the bathroom. So the replacement of the toilet seat had fallen into my lap. While picking up some stain removal product from the Family Dollar last night I happened down the aisle where low and behold that stock toilet seats. Who would have thought I could find a toilet seat at Family Dollar?? Not I. So elated, almost too elated, I grabbed one and headed out to pay for my items. I wasn’t sure it would be a good fit so I made sure I could return it even if I had opened it. I was told I could. So smiling what I am sure is the cheesiest smile I headed out with my toilet seat.

It wasn’t until after Ace fell asleep that I got the chance to begin my replacement project. I think it was close to 11pm. Sisi was asleep, Aly and Emi were up in the living room. I found the wrench in a basket over the washing machine and set to work on what I thought would be an easy job.

Removing the actual seat was easy it was no longer securely attached to the hinges so it just slips off. Made for some fun bathroom breaks these last couple of weeks. Nothing like have a toilet seat slip out from underneath your behind while you are 8months pregnant! The next step was to undo the plastic lug nut from the long screws that held the seat in place. I tried doing this just by feeling for the lug nut and turning. Didn’t work. So in my glorious largeness I proceeded to sit on the bathroom floor and wedge (no joke) myself between the tub and the toilet. I am sure it was one for America’s funniest home videos but I have no tape to prove it. While I am down there I am thinking to myself that it was a good thing I cleaned the bathroom today. All the while the 3yo is asking me 20 questions. This wasn’t a problem until I began trying to turn the lug nut and it WOULD NOT BUDGE! So there I lay trying to figure out what I was going to do because come hell or high water I was going to finish the job. After I don’t know 15min down there I had to come up for air. All this time Emi has been asking the same questions over and over and I have just not been the cool unschooling mom that I usually am. HA! I finally ask her to stop touching everything and just watch.

I rewedge myself down on the floor again and try again. I got it to move some but not much. I figured since the lug nut and the screw are plastic maybe I can just break them. No luck. So I get up to search for my husbands tool box. It used to me in our walk in closet but it wasn’t there. So I head out to our garage to look for it. Now the light is out in the garage, has been for months now. We have bulbs but once again because I am the only one that needs to go into the garage at night it isn’t high on the husbands to do list. I mean do you really think about lights being out during the day when sunlight is streaming in and you really don’t need artificial light? So I turn on the laundry room light and just opt to use the light streaming from that room into the garage. That is until I open the door and a possum runs across our garage right toward the tool box!!!! Ack! I am not about to battle a possum for the tool box those things are highly protective read  MEAN and I don’t need the pliers that much. By the way this isn’t the first time this possum and I have crossed paths. I was bagging up recyclables one day about a month or so ago and I noticed that one of the cracker boxes was unusually heavy. It had plastic bags stuffed down in it so I was pulling those out to see what the kids might have stuffed in the box when I saw fur and something move. I put the box down and proceeded to get out of dodge. Called my husband and he came home later to discover that it was a possum. We set the box outside in the yard so she could run away and be free. Jorry assured me that night when he brought the box back in that she was gone. Well, guess what? NOT!

So back to the toilet seat. I opted for a pair of scissors hoping they would at least grip the top of the screw enough to keep it from spinning so I could get the lug nut loose. No such luck. So I tried cutting the top of the screw. Nada. Wedging myself down between the toilet and the tub again I somehow got the screw and the lug nut going in the opposite direction and they finally separated! I was soo excited until I realized that I had to figure out how to wedge myself between the vanity and the toilet on the other side. A much smaller space. I had visions of my children having to call 911 so the fire department could come and get me out. So I decided to try and reach the lug nut from underneath and turn the screw from the top knowing it probably wouldn’t work like it didn’t on the first side. Two turns and the screw broke away from the lug nut!! Now why on God’s green earth would it not do that on the other side??

Installing the seat was uneventful. It fits and Emi my constant annoying curious companion through this whole thing asks to try the seat out first. I am happy to say that it works nicely. Now I am off to look up critter removers because I want that possum evicted. Our garage is not the place for wayward marsupials… least not ones with sharp teeth that closely resemble rats.


7 thoughts on “Toilet seat, possum, 3yo OH MY!

  1. HILARIOUS!!! You are the woman! I would have given up long before you did! After Katrina and the tree in our bedroom we had a critter come in through the roof and get in our closet…B kept saying it was a squirrel, but it sounded like a dog to me…BIG! I couldn’t sleep for days! We never found it…I am laughing out loud picturing you wedged between the throne and the tub…you keep this up and you’ll have that baby any day now!

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