Which leads to feeling lousy about 40minutes after I ate my two cheeseburgers, fries and drank my sweet tea. Nothing like making sure this baby will weigh 9lbs!!
Seriously though I need all of the prayers, positive thoughts, good vibes or whatever else anyone subscribes to in wanting good things for their friends. I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown yesterday, ALL day long. Everything bothered me and it felt way beyond the normal “I’m at the end of this pregnancy and need to have this baby.” feelings. It was intense and it scared the crap out of me.
Jennifer, I am so very sorry that I called you back. I should have waited until I was in a better state of mind.
If you have my phone numbers I suggest not calling me for a while. Unless of course you like to listen to large pregnant women wail and lament about the current break down in their mental stability.
Friday was awesome. Anna gave me a wonderful massage and she cleaned my kitchen and the living room. Her kids played with the littles which freed me up to just be.
Sadly I find that I do better if I have another adult here with me. If it is just me I feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do to keep up with the littles and I just shut down.
SiSi was an awesome help yesterday while Aly and her dad were at work and then out on their date.
I still failed miserably in being patient with the littles and with just accepting things as they were. Once Jorry and Aly were back I let him know how overwhelmed I felt and he took over the kitchen while the bigs and I tackled the livingroom and I got some of the laundry folded and put away. The closer to delivery I get the more overwhelmed I am by the messes. When I am not pregnant they don’t bother me to the capacity that they do. I need to birth in calm and if my house is a mess I-am-not-calm.
I know I won’t be pregnant forever. I just feel helpless to be the mom I need to be because I can’t move quickly and moving quickly is required when you are parenting a 3yo and a 1yo and your big girls aren’t always available to help you. My energy level is low and I know it’s more mental than anything. I just can’t find the motivation to move off of the couch and get things done, it all just feels like too much and then I know that as soon I get something accomplished in one place someone else has destroyed another place.
I would like to get through today without crying,yelling,griping,or feeling overwhelmed.
I would also like to give birth but I don’t think that is going to happen until I reach a state of serenity.
Come on serenity!!