The problems are financial. They are always financial. They have been for 14years. It seems that no matter what we do we are always the ones in need.
I’m exhausted. I’m tired of playing the game.
I’m tired of hearing the Christian answers to our problems because quite frankly right now I think they are a load of crap.
We have done what we are supposed to do.
We took a better paying job and we were paying off debt and paying cash for things. We didn’t spend more than we could make.
That job was taken from us due to restructuring of the company. My husband wasn’t the only person to lose his job.
We kept the faith, my husband even bought us a plaque that had some spiritual saying on it that was, at that time very encouraging.
Since then we have lost 20K in salary, been cheated by two Christian companies and now we work for a small company where it’s the owner and my husband that are the designers.
No one is buying landscaping right now because of the economy. It’s May. By May in a landscaping company you are usually full till fall and then by June you are into the first part of the next season.
No sales means no commission. His salary isn’t enough. We accumulated debt in order to live not buy a tv.If someone is let go it will be my husband.
And see in all of this I am trying to see how this is good for our family. How I should be thankful for always being the one in need. For always needing help. For being the poor ones in the family who just don’t know how to stop having kids.
What’s really funny is that the bottom three have only increased our food bill. I haven’t had to buy clothes for any of them since they were born. I use cloth diapers, I nurse them until they can “ask” for it.
I’m frugal till my head hurts. We work to keep our errands to the same day during the week. I shop Goodwill, consignment, garage sales etc.
I don’t want a hand out, or a bail out. I just want to be back in the position we were in when we were in Georgia. I want to be able to help someone else. Even when we were making good money we still did Goodwill, consignment etc. That won’t change because that’s just the way we do things.
Then due to a banking error we are overdrawn in our account and of course the fees snowball quickly. So now I have had to take money that I had for dental work and the money for a photography trip I had planned with Aly this weekend and put it in the bank in hopes of keeping us from having more fees than we have paycheck.
I’m angry, very angry.
I’m tired of the struggle.
My kids are scared.
And my husband is just about as depressed as I am.
We have resumes out.
We hear nothing.
The only thing that is good right now is my marriage and our relationship with our kids.
I’m tired of watching dishonest people continually get ahead. I see people who lie and cheat and steal from their customers, their family and their friends and they always have what they need financially.
Like I said before I don’t care what is going to happen after this life. I care what happens to me and my family this side of heaven. Here, where you can’t eat for free and where being the good guy is a bunch of bull shit.
So there you have it.
I do appreciate the care and concern. I’m sorry if I scared anyone. It wasn’t my intent. I am just done.
I’m tired of hearing “God will bless if you tithe.” or “God is your provider.” or “Look what Job went through.” I’m sorry for what Job went through, I think I would die if I lost a child. But I’m not Job and his story really doesn’t do anything to get the bills paid and get us to a place of enough.
Right now I don’t think that God cares and I really feel that life if about who you know and a whole lot of luck thrown in with some out right dishonesty.