*On behalf of a friend who just lost her dad a month ago, and who’s name I changed.


Dear friend and family members of Joy*,

Joy has recently lost her father. This was something that was totally unexpected. The same day he passed away she and her children had spent time with him like they did every day of their lives. They said goodbye and 20minutes later he was gone.

This is the first death she has dealt with in her life. She is grieving, as is to be expected. She is hurting. She is likely cycling through many emotions at a rate of speed that confuses her. She has probably felt angry, she is most definitely dealing with depression, and she is probably asking a lot of questions of the God that she loves.

Please listen to these next words closely. …….

SHE IS NOT LACKING FAITH!!!!!! Just because you have been able to grieve and move on in this short period of time does not mean you are of greater faith than she is. Just because she is dealing with panic attacks and worries that she has never dealt with in her life does not mean she lacks faith. It means that her daddy, the man that raised her, loved her and gave her great joy in her life is GONE and she can’t figure out right now how to move forward with a GIANT PIECE OF HER HEART missing.

Get off your high horse and off your behind and make some meals for this mama of 4. Take it to her house and stay a while and help around the house. Listen to her as she shares her worries, concerns, and memories. Don’t throw out scripture, pat her head, or poo poo what she is feeling. Instead tell her that you are there to listen, that you emphathize with her and then hold her so she can cry until she can’t cry anymore. I have a feeling that that is what Jesus would do. I am more than damn sure he wouldn’t be doing what you have been doing this last month….which is kicking someone who is already down.

Grief does not equal lack of faith. This could last a long time for her. That’s ok. This first year is going to be hell on earth when it comes to Christmas, birthdays, and any other special dates that they shared.

If you insist she put on a happy face and just move on you will be part of creating a bigger problem. You already are with your judgement.

You don’t have to understand,you just need to support her and love her unconditionally. It’s all laid out for you in that book you carry with you, you know the BIBLE. It’s time to stop beating people over the head with it and put it into action.

Pray for her, she needs it. Love her, she needs it. Be with her, she needs that too. And if you don’t know what to say just say I am sorry and then let your actions speak of love and comfort.

Sincerely and quite a bit ticked off on behalf of my friend,



3 thoughts on “

  1. Yes!
    I had all these types of things happen to me when we lost our 2nd pregnancy…including people telling me that it was ‘god’s will’ and ‘for the best’ and, the one that hurt the most, ‘you are too old to be having children anyway.’ Even if any or all of those things were true, none of them needed to be said to my aching, broken heart.
    Grief is normal, and useful, and ultimately, able to weave a type of ‘deepened healing’ that is absolutely necessary to move on with life. Without a good, supported time of grief, we end up ‘stuck’ and (emotionally at least) dying ourselves.

  2. YES! you are so very right. grieving and pain and hurt and doubt do not make you “less of a christian”. infact during those time of pain we are often closer to God. dealing with God in the raw.I’m sorry foryou friend – people are so so quick to judge others b/c it makes them feel they are in a better place. but we are ALWAYS just shy of pain. there is a very fine line between pain and joy – praise and anguish. this is life. life hurts. God comforts us – He doesn’t shame of for hurting.

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