“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which
we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think
we cannot.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

 

The anniversary of my dad’s passing is coming up this month. I really hate using the word anniversary. It is by no means a celebration. I found myself wishing I could skip October all together. I know that isn’t possible.

The pain is still there, it is still real. The absence is still overwhelming at times.

I opened my address book yesterday and his name and address are still there as if I am able to type out a letter and  mail it to him. I can’t.

Two years.

Two years.

Two years without my dad. Two years of missing him, wishing that he was here to enjoy his grandkids,wishing we could joke.

Two years without his voice. I really wish I could hear his voice.

Two years of sharing memories instead of making them.

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6 thoughts on “

  1. Oh, baby, do I ever understand!! This month is the ‘anniversary’ of our loss of my mom…ten years…seems so long yet but a blink… October is tough–even with wonderful things going on in life…it’s just hard.Hugs and please, feel free to talk with me about it anytime–I ‘get’ grief :|~~DanaB(ya know, the gal on facebook??)

  2. Dearest JoAnn, You have been much on my mind this week. I drove an hour away to a neighboring town (and then got lost and drove in circles for 30 minutes) to be with a friend of mine who lost his daddy this week. It was a lot like your story. There were a lot of tears there Tuesday night. Some of them were mine shed for you. As I held Caroline I thought of you. As I loved on the grandkids I thought of your girls. As I stood by that casket of a good man now gone I thought of your Daddy and I thanked God for sending us all such strong and good men to raise up such worthy daughters.As a hater of March, I cannot really tell you that it is not October’s fault with any great conviction. I can tell you though that after almost 30 years…I still am not a fan of March. It still rocks me back on my heels. I am often laid low in March. I have learned in the past that having people who love me pray for me and continue to draw me out helps. I can also tell you to take this time to seek out and talk to people who knew your daddy and loved him, too. A day might come, like it has for me, when it is rare to find someone who knew your Daddy. Soak those people in this October. Know that I love you, sweetheart. Know that I am praying for you from my heart and from my knees. Know also that I plan on eating some stale malted milk balls this month in honor of you and your Daddy. I love you. No matter what.Daddy Hat

  3. JoAnn… I hope you know I am listening… and sending you supportive hugs and peaceful thoughts. I share your address book experience, as dad’s cell phone number is still stored on my home and cell phones, and his email address is still in my email address book. I look at many things in my day to day experience and realize I have him to remember for many of them. So many. I am now understanding parental loss like I have never before, first hand and feeling so fresh still. But it still hurts. So much.Thank you for your support on the day I really needed some. I will never forget it. And thank you for posting your thoughts and feelings here for me and others to read. It is all part of the journey to share it with others.

  4. I am feeling the same pain, so know you’re not alone.  My dad’s 3-year will be in January.  I still catch myself wanting to call him.  And we have his truck and when I drive it I smell him 🙂

  5. Hi.. I was just passing by, but didn’t wanted to leave without droppin you a message! :)Sorry to hear about your dad’s 2nd anniversary of your dad’s passing. I hope time will somewhat heal the pain.

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